If Women Ran the World, there would be no painful sex

Is painful sex one reason you are not having the sex you want?
Let’s talk about it.

There are a lot of reasons for painful sex in menopause. One reason is the thinning of vaginal tissues due to hormone changes. This change can cause micro-bleeding during penetration, and can also interfere with natural lubrication. Penetration can feel like sandpaper, or burning in this situation. This cause of pain can often be helped by a delicate application of an estrogen cream, or a gentle herbal salve.

Other causes of pain may have started well before menopause, and only show up or become intolerable during the menopause transformation.

Are any of these part of your history?

  • Scar tissue from hysterectomy, C-section, episiotomy, and other abdominal surgery

  • Fibroids, endometriosis, and long-term effects of sexually transmitted pathogens

  • Skin conditions, allergies, and autoimmune illness

  • Pelvic injury from sports, falls, and other accidents-- sometimes decades before the pain has an impact on sex

  • Injury sustained during a difficult birthing


Speak to your medical practitioner about a referral to pelvic floor physical therapy. Regular physical therapy or osteopathic manipulation can help, even decades later. (I speak from experience.)

Some pain is sexual trauma from early life coming to the surface to be addressed. In this case, consider psychotherapy or specialized sexual healing work in addition to physical treatments.

Sometimes the origin of pain cannot be determined.

Regardless of the origination, it’s important to realize that pain is physical and actual.

It’s important to listen to the pain and learn what it is trying to tell you.

And it’s important to seek professional support who LISTENS to YOU and takes your pain seriously.

 
 

Hard Truths

As I offer this advice, I am aware that even when helpful treatments are available, many women do not have access to them. They can’t get referrals, insurance won’t pay, medical people are not well-informed, or don’t know how to talk about sexual matters.

Women are embarrassed or ashamed to discuss, especially when they’ve been dismissed or misdiagnosed in the past.

Hard truth: the root cause of sexual pain for midlife women is systemic.

Patriarchy

A system invested in women’s sexuality as a commodity of service on one hand, and the root of evil in the world on the other, does not invest in the physical care of women to ensure a healthy pelvis, and pleasure-filled sex.

Pain that interferes with sexual activity with a partner or solo –
Pain that inhibits pleasure and orgasm –
Pain that is hard to treat with a prescription –
Pain that is reported by a woman –

Is pain that is not taken seriously.

Women need to come together in our Circles, and share our stories. Share the wise woman methods that help, and support one another to find medical answers when needed.

We can also take action together to demand that the medical profession become better informed and care more about women’s pelvic health and sexual pleasure at every age as a very important factor in health.

Demand access to the professional services that:

  • Prevent sexual pain by caring for women during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, the first year after childbirth, and post-menopause.

  • Educate women about how their bodies work sexually, and how to adapt as bodies change throughout life.

  • Educate lovers in the many wonderful and healthy, pleasure giving ways to make love to women.

  • Recognize that life events and injuries can impact sexual pleasure now and in a woman’s future.

  • Make pelvic floor physical therapy, sexological bodywork, herbal remedies, movement therapy, and open conversation an important part of caring for women –

  • Value PREVENTING PAINFUL SEX and treating it when it does occur.


I am convinced that if women ran the world, there would be no painful sex.

Sex matters. It is our Sacred Feminine Power Source.

 
 

You are not meant to make this journey alone!

Are you ready for support as you embrace your power as a wise woman? I’ve opened some spaces for private work with me in Orgasmic Alchemy — A Wild and Wise Initiation.

Menopause is a sacred portal into erotic power intimacy with your Spirit, Body, and Mission.

In Orgasmic Alchemy, I meet you where you are on your menopause or perimenopause journey to:

  • support you as you identify your deepest desires,

  • get to know your NEW libido,

  • and reclaim your sex life as a sacred woman, the way you want it to be.
    Click here to email me and say: “I want this!”

    I’ll ask you a few questions to get to know you and your menopause journey, and if it looks like a fit, I’ll share the invitation to Orgasmic Alchemy.

    Deeper intimacy is with Life, Spirit, and your Beloved is yours now.

 
Carla Sanders