Do YOU want to reconnect to your sexuality, your intimacy with yourself?
Part 1: The REAL QUESTION is do YOU want to reconnect to your sexuality for yourself?
#sexaftermenopause
The man submitted a question to the online magazine:
Q. My wife is very interested in spirituality but seems to have lost all interest in sex. She says most of her friends her age (mid-50s) feel the same way. I’m committed, but I didn’t sign up for celibacy.
We’ve been to three different counselors. Each time there is a little change for a while but then it goes right back to the same place. I’m not ready to let go of this part of our life, but I’m starting to feel hopeless about it.
This question is written by the man. We don't have near enough information about him, about her, or about their sex life, except that she has lost interested in sex (with him), and he feels hopeless about it.
The author, therapist Kevin Anderson, gives the husband some good information.
You can read the whole article here:
http://ow.ly/efAw50xGJwP
THE WIFE OF THE COUPLE IS THE ONE I WANT TO TALK TO. She is the kind of woman I work with. She is mid-50s, menopausal most likely, and feeling the call of the Crone (whether she knows it or not).
Imagine she wrote this letter to me, saying something like:
Q: I love my husband and I am committed to our marriage, but I just don't feel like having sex. I am much more excited by spiritual growth and community. I get more satisfaction out of that than I do in our lovemaking.
We've been to couples counseling and I tried to improve, but it just doesn't feel worth the effort. I don't feel sexy like I did when we were young. I don't feel inspired. He is starting to feel hopeless, and I feel bad about that. But what can I do?
This might cost me my marriage. Can you help me?
I have lots of questions for this woman.
The first thing I would say as I am evaluating whether I can help her solve this problem is:
"It is completely normal for women to “recalibrate” libido at key times throughout their life. Menopause is one such time. It sounds like you are experiencing a recalibration. What used to turn you on no longer interests you. What used to be easy and automatic with a little imagination and some necking under the covers is not automatic anymore... IF IT EVER WAS.
Her honest answer to this next question is the key:
How important is it for YOU to change this?
Not to save your marriage, but because your sexuality is a profound and important aspect of yourself and your spiritual life -- and your business success!
Do YOU want to reconnect to your sexuality, your intimacy with yourself?
Her concerns for her marriage -- her guilt or compassion or love for her husband -- may have prompted her to reach out. But he is not enough of a reason to do the awakening work. She can't be doing this to please him or save her marriage. They already tried that, didn't they.
The work she will do to re-ignite her sexuality and desire will supercharge her spiritual life.
It will rekindle her marriage.
It can inspire her husband to grow and learn more about what truly connecting with a woman requires of him. He will discover how rich the rewards are beyond what he has been expecting.
Her marriage and her husband will benefit most likely, but they are not the reason.
SHE has to be her own reason to re-ignite her orgasm, her libido, her desire for physical and spiritual intimacy with her partner.
Have you been in this situation at any time in your life? You just didn't want to have sex with a partner anymore because... why?
You lost interest?
They are no longer pleasing to you?
You are too busy and focused on career or spiritual life?
You don't recognize or love your aging body or your face?
Your spiritual growth, women's circle, yoga practice, guru... all feel more compelling and inspiring than your sex life...
How would you answer my questions:
1 Do YOU want to reconnect to your sexuality, your intimacy with yourself?
2 On a scale of 1-10 and you can go higher than 10, how important is it to fix this now?
(Watch for Part 2: When her only alternative is NO)